8 Steps to Authentically Get Your Match’s Attention on any Dating App’s Chatbox
Alright, you’ve been selecting strong profiles, and you’ve started matching with a few people. We’ve solved Speed Bump 1 here. We’re moving on to Speed Bump 2.
Speed Bump 2: When you do match, you can chat, but people are often hesitant to respond, so you can’t start a conversation.
Now, how do you talk to a match? How can you guarantee a response? You can’t get a date if nobody is talking to you.
Chatting on a dating app is different than in-person. If you say, “Hi” to stranger in-person, social law demands a response out of sheer politeness. But on a dating app, you need to sell yourself a bit. And you’re not selling yourself on your fun facts. You’re not going to be judged by what you say about yourself. You’ll be judged on what you ask about your date. You’ll be judged on how much attention you’re willing to give them. So have genuine curiosity about your match.
Keep in mind — you’re not here to only have conversations over phones. You want a date. Don’t lose sight of this.
Here’s the 8 steps you should take when you start a chat with someone:
1. As soon as you match with someone, scan their profile for something interesting, and send them a message immediately. Get the momentum going.
What you’re doing is striking while you’re still on their mind, while they’re excited they matched with someone.
Send them a message even if you’re no longer interested in them. This builds good practice. You may even be surprised by what they say.
2. The first message needs to include 3 things: their name, mention of a fun fact from their description, and a question related to that fact.
Formula: “Hi name. So you have a fun fact. How long have you’ve had that fun fact?
Ex: Hi Tamie! So you lived in Germany for 2 years. What did you enjoy most about Germany?
Everyone loves to be called by name. This makes you more personable than other matches.
Mentioning something from their description (like their trip to Germany) and asking them about it shows you’re interested in who they are, and you want them to talk about themselves. People love talking about themselves!
3. If they actively use the dating app, they’ll reply with an answer. Now, you’re off to the races. (If you don’t get a response this time, remember what I told you about Dating being is an Infinite Game here. Keep going on dates.) Keep building momentum.
4. Continue asking them follow up questions about topics they shared in their description or in the chat.
5. After you’ve let them talk for a few minutes, start relating the topics back to you, so they can ask you questions. Just don’t hog the attention.
6. Keep the conversation going. If you haven’t, ask them about the two things you found interesting about their profile. But certainly feel free to let the conversation branch out into other directions if it’s happening naturally.
7. Sometimes you may need to stop chatting because you need to go to bed or you’re busy. But saying “talk to you later” may end the conversation because your match essentially has no reason to return other than their small curiosity about you. So give them another reason to keep the conversation open and return later. Instead of saying goodbye, write “I need to go. But let me leave you with one more question. Follow with a question about them.”
8. Your match will answer the question. And you can respond to their answer the next time you’re free to chat. This frequently works.
Now you have a conversation going. Exciting. You’ve already made it farther than most. You’ve also solved Speed Bump 2. But you didn’t come here to have conversations over phones. You want a date. Never forget this. Keep the momentum going.
Serve your date. Not you.
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